:laugh:

He said to me . ... . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
I said to him .... . . You wear pants don't you?

He said to me ... . ......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart

He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ...... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time.

He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. .. I don't know; it has never happened.

He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.

He said....What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A widow.

He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him .. . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.

Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

JULIUS : Hello, I would like to order some guns, please.

Gunsmith : Some what? The line is bad.

JULIUS : Guns (Getting louder)

Gunsmith : Sorry I can hardly hear, please repeat.

JULIUS : (Very loud now) GUNS!
G for Jesus,
U for Europe,
N for Anything and
S for Eskom.
GUNS!!

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?' The wife said, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'



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SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'


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THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment
Unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'



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FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.'



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FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
'Is it mine?'


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SIXTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman.'



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A wife comes home one day all excited and calling for her husband shouting "I won I won!!". The husband makes his way towards her asking "what! what did you win!?" The wife continues to tell her husband that she and her boss decided to play the lottery together and sharing the cost of the lottery ticket and agreeing to split whatever they win 50/50. "We won 500 Dollars today" she said, which they split and she went straight out and bought herself a beautiful pair of shoes, which she proudly modelled for her husband.

Two weeks later the wife comes home again excited and elated to tell her husband that her and her boss had once again struck it lucky and they had won over 5000 Dollars which they again split 50/50 so the wife got 2500 dollars which she used to immediately order a new kitchen for the house! The husband was shocked but happy that his wife was winning all this great cash an was very supportive of her.

This trend continued and every few weeks his wife would come home to tell yet another great story of how her and her boss have been the luckiest people around and the winnings kept getting bigger and bigger until finally one evening the husband hears a strange car pull up in the driveway, and on going to check finds that his wife has come home in a bright shiny new Ferrari! As she got out of the car he notices that she has a complete new outfit on, her hair was just done and was wearing all sorts of fancy accessories, rings, handbags etc worth thousands of dollars!

The husband stares in awe at this sight, waiting patiently as his wife comes into the house to tell him once again how her and her boss have won an enormous amount of money with their lucky ticket, and how she spent the whole day shopping and buying herself anything she wanted and finally drove home in the Ferrari she took delivery of the same day!

Finally she says to her husband, "please honey, I'm exhausted, would you go pour me a nice hot bath?" So the husband disappears towards the bedroom leaving his wife to relax in the lounge. His wife finally gets up walks to the bedroom and gets undressed so she can have a nice hot bath. However as she walks in to the bathroom she notices that the plug has been placed in the bath, but there is no water??

She exclaims to her husband "Honey!? what's going on here? I thought I asked you to pour me a nice hot bath!?" to which he quickly replied:

"I know honey, but I don't want to get that lottery ticket of yours wet!"

:ohmy: :lol: :silly:

COURAGE?
What is the meaning of courage?

Is it to fight a bull in a bullfight?

Is it to fly a fighter plane in combat?

Is it to practice free fall parachuting?

Is it bungee jumping?

Wild water rafting?

Those are nothing!

THIS, my friend, is COURAGE!!!