Taken from real hospital records:

1. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only 11kgs weight gain in the past three days.

5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

22. The patient refused autopsy.

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

My plan for the day. Everyday.

Vrou: "Seks , seks, seks! Jy praat net altyd oor seks...Praat eerder oor die weer!!!"
Man: "Ok, wanneer doen ons dit WEER?"

some more


Blond sit in die kroeg. Twee ouens kom in en sit weerskante van haar.
Een sê vir die kroegman: "Johnny Walker, single."
Ander een sê: "Jack Daniels, single."
Blond haak af: "Ansie Steenkamp, geskei...


Ons was so arm toe ons klein was het ons vaseline op ons lippe gesit sodat die mense kan dink ons
het tjoppies geeet.


Boemelaar val flou voor Nando's, Vrou skree "Gee hom 'n lemoen, dit sal help"
Boemelaar; "Is jy mal man! As ek n lemoen wou hê, het ek voor Fruit & Veg flou geword!


Baie vra my: Hoe het jy so ver in die lewe gekom? Dan antwoord ek: Ek het geloop.


Twee seuntjies sit en stry.
"My pa is beter as joune...!"
"Issie!" my pa is better as jou pa!"
"Dit is nie! en My ma is ook beter as jou ma."
"Ek weet! My pa sê ook so!"


Oupa se vir Jannie: "Gaan kruip weg...jou juffrou is hier en jy is nie by die skool nie."
"Flip Oupa...gaan kruip jy weg..ek het gesê ek is by jou begrafnis!!"