In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa

One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in cells.
It appears that Nigerians and Zimbabweans is not the correct answer

I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in Nottingham but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets

You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.
I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache"

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche & mentioned it on FaceBook.
I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive !" Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend !!

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk ...
"I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard.”

The red cross have just knocked at our door and ask if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan I said we would love to, but our hose pipe only reaches the bottom of the garden

A Man and a Casket……………


A man who makes caskets was on his way to deliver one of the coffins when his car broke down.

Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.


Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some money off him (bribe), so they challenged him:

"Hey!!! What are you carrying and where are you going?!"

The man said, "I do not like where I was buried, so I am relocating".


The Policemen ran for their lives.

TH

One For the Afrikaans Speaking Members

Waar slaan n ma boom haar kind ?




Wait For It ....




Sy Bas

Joanne's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.



“You know” he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, “you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side and this time when I had my aircraft accident you were at my hospital bed every day. And you know what?”



“What, dear?” she asked gently, smiling to herself.



“I think you’re bad luck.”

TH

I'm pregnant so allowed to tell these jokes:

What does a pregnant woman and a piece of burnt toast have in common?

They both wish you'd pulled out a bit sooner .....

What's the difference between a light bulb and a regnant woman?

You can unscrew a light bulb

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals.

The first engineer finished and walked over to the sink to wash his
hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper
towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on
his hands was dried. Turning to the other two engineers, he said, "At
Rolls Royce, we are trained to be extremely thorough."

The second engineer finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to
wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried
his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned
and said, "At Mercedes Benz, not only are we trained to be extremely
thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."

The third engineer finished and walked straight for the door, shouting
over his shoulder, "At TOYOTA we don't piss on our hands."