Mark is 90 years old, he's played golf every day since his retirement 35 years ago, one day he arrives home looking downcast.

"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf, my eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I can't see where it went."

His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea, as they sit down she says, "Why don't you take your old mate Kevin, and give it one more try."

"That's no good" sighs Mark, "Kevin's a hundred and three. He can't help."

"He may be a hundred and three", says Mark's wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day Mark heads off to the golf course with Kevin, he tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway, he turns to Kevin and says, "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!" replied Kevin. "I have perfect eyesight".

"Where did it go?" says Mark.

"I don't remember."

Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theatre & Football - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

Ok guys, I wanted to post this, but was waiting for the right time, and I think this fits.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don,t take it personal, it's all fun and games, as most people know me by now. :silly:

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Now that is super funny!!!

Bonzai wrote: Ok guys, I wanted to post this, but was waiting for the right time, and I think this fits.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don,t take it personal, it's all fun and games, as most people know me by now. :silly:

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hahaha!
Think I might need a new signature.
Not that my hair is quite so long.

Ceratogyrus wrote: hahaha!
Think I might need a new signature.
Not that my hair is quite so long.

Too big for my signature.
Any objections if I mail this to people when they use common names?