An Afrikaans preacher was preaching to his predominantly afrikaans congregation when he kept getting interrupted by flu and cold coughs from many sick members in the church. None the less he continued his sermon. He then saw the very irritated English Assistant Preacher fetch a small bottle and spoon from his office. Every time some one coughed he would go to them give them a spoonful of the bottle's content and whisper something in their ear and a few seconds later that person would leave.
This continued until only a handdful of members and the preachers were left at the end of the sermon.
The Afrikaans preacher asked the English preacher: "what is that bottle that made most of the congregation leave?"
The English man replied: I honestly don't know, I just gave them some of the syrup and whisperes in their ear "For Cough"

Two men met @ a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept
Complaining of family problems. Finally the other man said, you think
you Have Family problems? Listen to my situation.
A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got
married. Later my father married my stepdaughter, that made my
stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson, also my wife
became mother in law of her father in law. Then the daughter of my wife,
my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my
father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's Daughter, this made
him my wife's grandson. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother.
This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half sister of
my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. This makes my father the
brother-in-law of my child whose stepsister is my father's wife; I am my
stepmother's brother-in-law. My wife is her own child's aunt, my son is
my father's nephew and
I am my own grandfather!
And you think you have family problems

Have you ever felt like the back side of a donkeys ass? Well I was TODAY.

Quick background:
My dad sells Lorikeet stella's, and most collectors and or buys advertise on Avizandum. So out of no where on a Sunday phones a guy who would like to come and buy some of my dad's stella's. Unknown or unheard of in the hobby from Pietersburg. Over the phone he said he would do a EFT payment at our house, for the R11000, seeing he wanted 3 breeding pairs. So I was asked to setup my laptop in the lounge for the client to have the freedom to do his EFT transaction after the client has selected his breeding pair.

Okay so he has selected his 3 pairs by 12:00 and pulls out his checkbook which was something my dad did not want to see, as the arrangement was the amount would be paid out via EFT? I heard my dad call my name and he asked me to just please go and write down the number plate of his car, out of sight of the client. I got a piece piece of paper and a pen and went around the car and jotted down his numberplate and make of car, colour and finishing it with 5 door . Now we have had our share of cars stolen and I thought to myself. No. This is not going to work I need to get a photo of the VIN number. Before I continue I would like to mention the car had tinted windows, a few door open "thinking it's to let some cool air in for the birds, although they are next to the car" so I am thinking nothing about it. I pull out my cellphone and quickly grab a photo of the VIN number and went on my way, feeling pleased that this car could be tracked if it was hired.

Eventually the guy is back on his merry way and my dad asked me if I got the detail's of the car Yeah I even got the VIN number on my cell. This is where my dad cover his eye's with his hands in embarrassment, then slowly lifts his right hand off his eye and tells me his girlfriend was in the car with their child.

LMAO. I felt like a donkey's ass So today is my day to feel like a fool

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them...and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.

Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.

The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.

She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..."

There you have it:

lol