After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old
slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.. As she heard
the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,
putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she
heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who was THAT?"

Mickey Mouse wants to divorce Minnie Mouse.
Mickey speaks to the judge about the separation.
"I'm sorry Mickey, but I cannot legally separate you two on the grounds that you say Minnie is mentally unstaible..."
Mickey replys, "I didn't say she was mentally unstaible,
I said, she's f**king Goofy!"

‎1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

Classic sms for all guys:

"Hi honey - I'm just having my last beer. I'll be with you in 20mins. If I'm
not back - read the sms again"